And I try to ignore.

Angustiazinha chata! Leave my throat alone, for God’s sake!

Porque eh que tem que vir… I didn’t even realize it was already Sunday again! Maybe I had to. After all, it’s a week from last Sunday, when something indescribable was happening to my heart.

It’s a week after and life has been going without much purpose. Intense; still, somehow without much purpose.

Antonio and Ebert leaving.

Nina and Sassa arriving.

Alby remains so far from my pillows, my shower, my legs.

His music though still touches me, my heart, the walls around my bed, my fidgety hands, feet, lips. His music became the soundtrack of pretty much everything I’ve been doing. So many feelings I’ve had to deal with... And now his passionate rhythm is almost the soundtrack of American History!

If George Washington knew how Cuban his theme would be!

Yes, thank God, writing does do some good. But when someone writes you back, the response is like the real change. It’s when the pain goes from being your intimate desire to becoming the actual change through someone else’s hands. Eh como o sonho sonhado junto que acaba por virar realidade. Deixa de ser o sonho do bobo, daquele que tem a cabeca no mundo da Lua.

So much fear.

“He said ‘It’s scary’ but I didn’t understand what he meant.”

He knew so much more. He was always thirty feet ahead of her, although his heart seemed to be attached to everything she did, even the hysterical laugh the bottles of liquor would undoubtedly cause her, bottles that he didn’t like nor understood.

All I needed was a pause button applied to my thoughts. You can’t think of one single sentence, unless it was written by Proust, for more than an hour, more than a day, over every activity that makes your daily routine, or nights away in varied states of consciousness.

“…I’m still thinking about you. I’m so lonesome without you and I can’t get you out of my mind…”

A cliché song to translate cliché feelings.

“…So don’t pay no mind to my watering eyes. Must be something in the air that I’m breathing…”

Hope you have a good night, dear.
Wish you luck, health and a little bit of saudades de mim.


Yours.